Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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