tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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