when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
