I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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