I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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