Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
