chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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