I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
