Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
