My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
