uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
