All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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