I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
