I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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