Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
