Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
