This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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