connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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