If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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