My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
