you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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