the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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