Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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