I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
