maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
