And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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