You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
