I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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