My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
