So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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