my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was CRYING into my vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
