please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize