I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
