what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
