Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize