she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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