The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
