Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
