3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
