I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize