Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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