This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
