Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
