32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
