would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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