You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
