One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
