oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
