I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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