I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..