Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am