Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.