you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.