We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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