she takes plan B like it's going out of style
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
