If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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