I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
