I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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