He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
