Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
